The Petriverse of Pierre Jardin: by Paul A. Harris Main Menu Paul A. Harris

Temporal Anomalies Detected

2 Find Balance in Stones
Myriad weird wonders warp space-time in the universe, including black holes, wormholes, and rabbit-holes. But the temporal anomalies observed of late in The Petriverse defy even the strangest laws of physics.  Apparently, the stone signs designating this rock garden a "slow time zone" may have a scientific meaning, referencing actual physical phenomena.

The slow time zone, actually a 44-foot segment of sidewalk, seems to change the velocities and therefore relative time of pedestrians. Subjects have been observed moving in slow motion after reading the signs, and the probability that walkers slow their pace in this space, thus stretching time, increases exponentially in comparison to other parts of the same sidewalk on Olive Avenue.

"Time really drags in this place," Loyola Marymount professor Paul Harris said. Harris, a past President of the International Society for the Study of Time, believes that carefully placed rocks are creating a gravitational field.  "Aesthetically pleasing stones exude an attractive force on bodies and brains, causing people to stop and stare. They forget that time is passing by at its usual hectic rate outside the garden," Harris said.  According to an inverse law, the longer one stops, the slower one's time passes.
Temporal vortices also form around certain stone messages.  Harris says that knotty statements like 'NOTHING is written in stone...+ so is this' generate a "paradox vortex in the cerebral cortex" of puzzled observers. "Brains caught in circular reasoning cause a time loop to occur," Harris mysteriously explained. Residents are urged to keep watch and report any slow time sightings to Petriverse designer Pierre Jardin immediately.

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